Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!!!"
Friday, August 15, 2008
Chinese way of parking
A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Taiwan on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
One of the bank’s employees then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Chinese man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The Chinese man replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
One of the bank’s employees then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Chinese man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The Chinese man replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
Business
Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Correspondence Course
Santa was driving car zigzag & rashly.
Traffic cop caught him.
Santa sir I am learning driving. Cop:without instructor?
Santa: ye correspondance course hai bhai.
Traffic cop caught him.
Santa sir I am learning driving. Cop:without instructor?
Santa: ye correspondance course hai bhai.
Terrorist attack...
man in US sees lady getting chased by dog.dog is abt to bit lady wen man kicks d dog.reporter sees n saz'headline will read US CITIZENSAVES LADY FROM DOG.'man saz "I M NOT A US CITIZEN IAM FRM PAKISTAN "nxt day d headline is "TERRORIST ATTACK ON DA LOCAL DOG".....
Gujju Funeral........
A Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead
mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters. The
dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space
left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top
addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Mohan and Varsa,
I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be
cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT. Sorry, I
could
not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside
the
coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler
chocolates
and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On Ba's
feet
you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are
also
2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are
correct.
Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just
distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ba's is
wearing
are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left
wrist.
Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you
asked
for. Please take them off her.
The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my
nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.
Love Smita
PS: And if anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also
not feeling too well nowadays...:D
mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters. The
dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space
left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top
addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Mohan and Varsa,
I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be
cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT. Sorry, I
could
not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside
the
coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler
chocolates
and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On Ba's
feet
you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are
also
2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are
correct.
Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just
distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ba's is
wearing
are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left
wrist.
Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you
asked
for. Please take them off her.
The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my
nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.
Love Smita
PS: And if anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also
not feeling too well nowadays...:D
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